Having regular relationship check-ins can be immensely beneficial. 

Sure it sounds awkward and maybe even corporate-y, but in reality, most couples don't regularly check in with one another which oftentimes leads to a blow-up argument over something small that could have been addressed and resolved so much sooner.

You're probably wondering, 'Okay, what am I supposed to talk about during a check-in with my partner?' Well, here are a few simple starter questions that will more than likely help initiate a meaningful conversation about the health of your relationship:

, it doesn't matter if you're in a new relationship or have been together for decades. Starting these check-ins now is always better than never starting at all! As you become more comfortable and vulnerable with each other, these check-ins will become a cherished ritual in your relationship, and you will look forward to them.

Regular relationship check-ins are a powerful tool for maintaining a healthy and thriving partnership. By engaging in open and honest conversations, addressing concerns, and fostering better communication, you can strengthen your bond and prevent unnecessary conflicts. Make it a habit, and watch how your relationship flourishes as a result.

Do you and your partner check in regularly about your relationship?

Just checking in

Why might a couple need to break up even if they still love each other? 

There are so many reasons couples should or need to break up even if they're still in love or love one another. Generally, couples (or at least one-half of the couple) are still in love or love one another when they break up. Something I continue to tell clients, friends, family, or anyone that will listen hah, 

 to keep the relationship fulfilling, progressing, and together. 

Society has engrained the thought that love is always enough, but that's just not the case! Love is usually what keeps us from ending relationships that should have ended long ago. You can 'love' sleeping with the lights on, but that doesn't mean it's good for you (it's actually terrible for you, btw). From trauma bonding to getting stuck in a pattern or habit with an individual, it sometimes seems easier to just continue partaking in than start anew in the unknown. Many times this prevents partners from growing individually (but in the same direction) and the relationship becomes stagnant.

Honestly, trust in the universe that what's meant for you, won't miss you. Knowing that if you can love someone 

, that doesn't necessarily benefit you in away way, think of how much you can love someone that 

Focus on things that do bring you joy. Make sure you involve movement, therapy, and trying new things in your routine(s). Also, 

, grieving the loss of a relationship takes time and it always comes and goes in waves, as with any loss. Treat yourself with kindness and respect, and give yourself the grace to do so at your own pace.

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How do you walk away from a relationship with someone you're still in love with?

In love, but breaking up.

Speaking not only from experience as a Therapist and coach but personally as well, I know we’re all always curious and desire to know 

. However, maybe you’re not confrontational or perhaps you never know when the right moment to ask is, or is asking even sexy? Will it ruin the mood? 

Here are the uncensored thoughts, feelings, feedback, and suggestions from men & women on what constitutes as phenomenal foreplay. Essentially, if they could tell any future person that they're with (or current lol) intimately, what exactly would they want them to be doing?

What *do* we like in bed?

Let’s start with the obvious, kinks and fetishes clearly overlap. A fetish is always a kink, but a kink is 

 are recognized as alternative sexual acts or interests outside of standard sexual practices, whereas a 

 is recognized as a specific object, body part, or behavior that is absolutely required for someone's sexual pleasure, arousal, or enjoyment. In the absence of said object(s) or behavior, the individual will find it difficult or even impossible to experience sexual enjoyment at all. Fetishes are generally forms of kinks. This also brings partialism into play. Partialism is the focus on one specific body part isolated from the rest (think foot fetish).

If you enjoy including impact play in the bedroom, that’s a kink. 

If you need to be bound and gagged to get off, that’s a fetish. 

If you love when your partner praises you throughout the day and in bed, that’s a kink.

If you can’t orgasm without being covered in urine, that’s a fetish.

If you want to figure out if you have a kink or a fetish, answer the below questions:

“Okay, cool! I don’t have a kink or fetish, but my partner does and I don’t know how to get into it.”

Oftentimes we don't even recognize we have a kink or are into something alternative until someone introduces it or wants to try it with us for the first time. However, getting into a kink on your own accord is very different than trying to get into a kink for someone else. You don't necessarily have to be stoked about a partner's kink to enjoy the overall experience with them, not to mention, enjoy pleasuring or being pleasured by them as well. Generally, we are more turned on by our partner experiencing any type of pleasure than the actual act itself anyway. This is all to say that rather than trying to be exceptionally turned on by a kink or fetish that isn't just coming naturally, the willingness, effort, and excitement around any kink or fetish your partner has will 9/10 times be more than enough! 

Most people tend to use these words interchangeably, and whether you have some or not, it’s worth knowing the differences (and similarities)!

Kink vs. Fetish?

This specific topic comes up in sessions 

. Usually, one half of the partnership is interested in opening up the relationship, and the other half is either 

. doesn’t know enough about it or how to get started in a comfortable and 

 way. With that in mind, let's go through some of the key points to reflect on and discuss with your partner 

If your partner is the one who initiated this conversation, the first thing I really want you to think about is, is getting on board with your partner's request something you actually 

 to do. Too often opening up a relationship begins and progresses as a very one-sided dynamic. When both individuals aren't fully on board, I promise you, it will not work nor end well. In an effort to avoid that happening, the questions below offer the opportunity to reflect on and discuss this new dynamic with your partner.

Is this request coming from a place of unresolved issues?

Will opening up the relationship actually make you or your partner 'happy'? or is this a bandaid to a much larger internal or marital/relationship issue? If yes, it will make you or them happier, what about the new dynamic is going to bring you or your partner said happiness? Is it the sex, the attention, the conversation, the gifts, etc.? 

If your partner is the one who initiated the conversation, ruminate on the reasons they list and if they are areas of the relationship that you may not have been showing up in. Ask your partner if the reasons they mention are things that 

 are able to bring to the table and if the relationship can be repaired internally before opening up the relationship to have those needs met elsewhere.

In the latter case of the above question, what would working on the relationship internally look like? Is it making time to spend uninterrupted quality time together every day? Scheduled date days/nights? Maybe it's having mutual intimate initiation or even exploring different aspects of intimacy, kinks, or fetishes you've not yet tried. Think about what would need to be implemented to ensure success within your relationship.

In the former case of the above question, seek clarification on what your partner is actually looking for in becoming ethically non-monogamous (ENM). Are they seeking polyamory, an open relationship, casual sex, swinging, cuckolding, threesomes, etc? All of these are very different and it's best to know ahead of time so there's no confusion later.

Reflect on how an open relationship could benefit your current relationship dynamic (and you in general). Think along the lines of emotional, physical, sexual, etc. Discuss this with your partner as well so you can understand their perspective and they yours.

“Okay sweet, I’m in!” Amazing! If you’re on board, the next best step is to create boundaries and guidelines around your ideal situation. 

Discuss what the new dynamic would ideally look like, what you’re both hoping for out of this change, and the boundaries and guidelines that will be put in place to ensure comfort on both ends. 

Example boundary and guideline topics to discuss to get the ball rolling in the right direction:

, both partners need to be in full agreement about the boundaries and guidelines of this new dynamic, as ethical non-monogamy requires consent from all parties. This is only possible when you ensure everyone is comfortable and able to get what they need and want from the new dynamic.

In the end, the decision to work on your relationship internally, open it up, or even end the relationship entirely, comes down to you and your partners' happiness, safety, and goals for the relationship. Taking the time needed to reflect, confront, and have important and informed discussions around the issue will make it that much easier and overall fulfilling.

Whether you're initiating the opening up of your relationship or have been asked by your partner, here are a few things you'll want to consider before moving forward.

Thinking about opening up your marriage or relationship?

Debating taking a step back and initiating a break from your relationship, but haven’t discussed boundaries yet? I’ve got you. 

Check out a few of the main concerns and conversation starters below to help shape concrete boundaries and guidelines for a smooth transition into taking a break.

, the main focus before taking a break should be to remove all or as many as possible co-dependencies that are currently entwined in your lives to truly be able to focus on yourselves and growth during this time away. Make the best of the break and use it to work on yourself, reflect, explore, and heal, then, 

 bring the best version of yourself back to the relationship, or back into the world.

(From your relationship). Here are seven things to consider.

Thinking about taking a break?

Time and time again, we stick to our usual course(s) of actions even though it may not be producing results- it's what you know, is easy, and provides a level of comfort! If you want something different (better results), you've got to do something new. Routinely, we blame the dating pool for being awful (and don't get me wrong, there are a lot of terrible aspects to it), when in reality, it's 

 we have to work on. We can't change what's out there, but we 

 be more intentional in dating, becoming intensely self-aware, focusing on our own growth, and becoming the best version of ourselves. One easy question to ask is, would you (truly) even date yourself?

It's easy to do with rose-colored glasses on but start paying attention to things that partners show you about themselves early on. They aren't going to change for you, and as much as you may want to be, you won't be the exception. Trust your intuition, your body will give you signs almost immediately about individuals - people tend to think that butterfly excitement feeling is a spark when it's actually our nervous system setting off our fight, flight, or freeze mechanism. We tend to play out narratives from our past because it's what we know and what we feel comfortable with (even though it may be unsafe or miserable), because what we don't know we fear even more. Look for a calm and safe feeling when you meet someone, not the "Oh my god I don't know if I should text them back yet because I need to play it cool because I 

 I like them so much!"- feeling. This will only continue to exacerbate itself and you won't be your true self in those moments either. Why? Because the right one won't even waiver on your needs, wants, and peculiarities. This brings us to the next topic...

The more you are in truth with yourself about your needs, your wants, your insecurities, shortcomings, strengths, and so on, the easier things will begin to flow back into your life as such. People pleasing, being overly co-dependent, or living your life to someone else's standards (or even your own unrealistic standards) will never allow the stars to align for you.

Ah, the hot topic of energy discussion. Well, where do you usually sit on the energy spectrum? Are you trying to control and lead things in relationships or are you open to being led and receiving? These are huge factors in not only being someone who others want to commit to long term but also in finding a partner that will do the same.

, lean into your masculine energy and take the lead. 

, lean into your feminine to be open to receiving.

The caveats here though are that women can only be in their full feminine energy with a partner who allows and makes them feel safe and supported. And men too can only be in their leading masculine energy if it is allotted to them. Many women who are stuck in their masculine and anxious energy tend to try and take the reins (because we don't feel that safety and support yet)- but let the men show you they can (

) lead. This will make your options so much more clear and being able to live within these energies will only become easier and more rewarding with practice of course!

Are you having a hard time transitioning from situationships to relationships? It’s common for people to stick with the same old dating habits they've used forever that clearly don't work for them. Check out how you can change it up.

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